Bulgaria Ski discussion board

Four married men go fishing. After an hour, the following conversation took place:
First guy: "You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come fishing this weekend. I had to promise my wife I will paint every room in the house next weekend."
Second guy: "That's nothing; I had to promise my wife I will a build new pool deck.
Third guy: "Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise to remodel the kitchen."
They continue fishing then realize the fourth guy hasn't said a word. So they ask him. "You haven't said what you had to do to come fishing. What's the deal?"
Fourth guy: "I just set my alarm for 5:30 am. It went off, I shut it off, gave the wife a nudge and said, "Fishing or Sex" She said, "Wear sun-block."

After looking for love in all the wrong places, a man returns from the Middle
East and is feeling very ill. He goes to see his doctor, and is immediately
rushed to the Hospital to undergo tests.
The man wakes up after the tests in a private room
at the hospital. No one is around but the phone by his
bed. and it rings.
"This is your doctor. We've had the results back from your tests and we've
found you have an extremely contagious and nasty STD called 'G.A.S.H.' It's a
combination of Gonorrhea, AIDS, Syphilis, and Herpes!"
"Oh, my gosh," cried the man, "What are you going to do, doctor?"
"Well, we're going to put you on a diet of pizzas,
pancakes, and pita bread."
"Will that cure me???" asked the man.
The doctor replied, "Well no, but....they're the only foods we can get under
the door."

The company president called the chief security guard into his office.
"Chuck, we've received a complaint from one of the employees that you are
making obscene sexual comments and putting your hands where they don't
belong. These unwanted advances will have to stop." Chuck looked down at
his feet and mumbled, "I'm sorry, Sir. I won't' do it again." The company
president said, "I'm sure Ms. Jones will be happy to hear that." Chuck's
face lit up. "Ms Jones?!!!! I was afraid that Bob in Accounting was
complaining!!!!"

Clean one.
A couple goes for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the "Chicken Surprise." The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot.
Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down.
"Good grief, did you see that?" she asks her husband.
He hasn't, so she asks him to look in the pot. He reaches for it and again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes looking around before it slams down.
Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening, and demands an explanation.
"Please sir," says the waiter, "what you order?"
The husband replies, "Chicken Surprise."
"Ah! .. so solly," says the waiter, "I bring you Peeking Duck!"

To My Dear Wife,

You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being
54 years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you and I value you as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening
with my 18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel.

Please don't be upset - I shall be back home before midnight.


When the man came home late that night, he found the following
letter on the dining room table:

My Dear Husband,

I received your letter and thank you for your honesty about my being
54 years old. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 54 years old. As you know, I am a maths teacher at our local
college. I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, one of my students, who is also the Assistant Tennis Coach. He is young, virile, and like your secretary, 18 years old.

As a successful businessman who has an excellent knowledge of Maths, you will understand that we are in the same situation although with one small difference.

18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18.

Therefore, I will not be back home until sometime tomorrow.

in a bad flood a man sits on top of his house waiting to be rescued

1st comes a boat he is asked to getin, he replies sorry but god will save me, the man in the boat sails off

the water starts to get deeper

2nd comes along a man on a Jet ski and again the man is asked to get on, again he replies god will save me amd the man on the jet ski speeds off

the water gets deeper still

3rd comes along a helicopter and drops a rope down the man is asked to grab hold and he will be lifted to saftey, again the man replies god will save me

this time the water gets so deep the man drowns.

at the gates to heaven he meets st Peter he asks him why god did not come to save him

St Peter replies for heavens sake man he sent a boat, a jetski and a helicopter what more did you want him to do?