Bulgaria Ski discussion board
How to prepare for the coming season
Author:Daniel Snell
posts : 5800 (Master)Date : 09-29-04 09:15How to prepare for the coming season
- Visit your local butcher and pay $30 to sit in the walk-in freezer for half an hour. Afterwards, burn two $50 dollar bills to warm up.
- Soak your gloves and store them in the freezer after every use.
- Fasten a small, wide rubber band around the top half of your head before you go to bed each night.
- If you wear glasses, begin wearing them with glue smeared on the lenses.
- Throw away a hundred dollar bill - RIGHT NOW!
- Find the nearest ice rink and walk across the ice ...
- Visit your local butcher and pay $30 to sit in the walk-in freezer for half an hour. Afterwards, burn two $50 dollar bills to warm up.
- Soak your gloves and store them in the freezer after every use.
- Fasten a small, wide rubber band around the top half of your head before you go to bed each night.
- If you wear glasses, begin wearing them with glue smeared on the lenses.
- Throw away a hundred dollar bill - RIGHT NOW!
- Find the nearest ice rink and walk across the ice 20 times in your ski boots carrying two pairs of skis, accessory bag and poles. Pretend you are looking for your car. Sporadically
drop things.
- Place a small but angular pebble in your shoes, line them with crushed ice, and then tighten a C-clamp around your toes.
- Buy a new pair of gloves and IMMEDIATELY THROW ONE AWAY!
- Secure one of your ankles to a bedpost and ask a friend to run into you at high speed.
- Go to McDonald's and insist on paying $8.50 for a hamburger. Be sure you are in the longest line.
- Clip a lift ticket to the zipper of your jacket, get on a motorcycle and ride fast enough to make the ticket lacerate your face.
- Drive slowly for five hours - anywhere - as long as it's in a snowstorm and you're following an 18-wheeler.
- Fill a blender with ice, hit the pulse button and let the spray blast your face. Leave the ice on your face until it melts. Let it drip onto your clothes.
- Slam your thumb in a car door and don't bother to go see a doctor.
* Repeat all of the above every Saturday and Sunday until you're ready for the real thing!
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re: How to prepare for the coming season
Don't forget:wear again your bracer around the knee, just to be prepared!
Dju, do I really have to wear this thing when I go back skiing?
greetings,
Tanjette
re: How to prepare for the coming season
HiOr alternativly.......... just go out in the cold, fall over a few times, then go to the nearest bar (preferably with large open fire) drink hot chocolate with Brandy followed by lots of Lager. Insist on only paying no more than 60p a pint.
Once your warm and the pain in your limps has gone, go outside and do it all again.
For extra feel, each morning rub 'Deep Heat' into your Calfs and and upper legs.
Garry
