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A young man walks onto the stage of Stars in their Eyes, on crutches, with a
plaster cast from his feet to his hips.

Matthew Kelly Introduces him as Simon. 'It's very brave of you to come out
here,' says Matthew. 'Please tell the audience what happened?'

'Well' replies Simon 'about a year ago, I was driving with my uncle when we
had a really bad accident.

Unfortunately my uncle was killed outright but I survived. I was trapped in
the car for six hours before I was eventually cut free.' 'The doctors had me
in surgery for 12 hours but they couldn't save my legs.'

'That's terrible. But I see you have legs now. Are they artificial? 'asks
Matthew.

'No Matthew, while I was in hospital the doctors informed me that my uncle
had in fact died, but that his legs were fine and with all the advances in
medical science, they could graft the bottom half of his body onto mine. As
you can see the operation was successful.

I have been having physiotherapy for six months and hope to be walking fully
again by the end of the year. A huge round of applause erupts from the
audience.

Kelly responds with: 'That's an unbelievable story. So tonight, who are you
going to be?'

Scroll down...

Keep going this is great....

It's worth it honest.....

'Tonight, Matthew, I am going to be Simon and Halfuncle'

PP

A man boards an airplane and takes his seat. As he settles in, he glances up and sees the most beautiful woman boarding the plane.

He soon realizes she is heading straight towards his seat. A wave of nervous anticipation washes over him.

Lo and behold, she takes the searight beside his.
Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurts out, "Business trip or vacation?".

"Nymphomaniac convention in Chicago," she says.

Whoa! he says, swallowing hard. He is instantly crazed with excitement.
Here's the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen, sitting RIGHT next to hi and she's going to a meeting of nymphomaniac

Struggling to maintain his outward cool, he calmly asks, "What's your business role at this convention?"

"Lecturer", she says. "I use my experiences to debunk some of the popula myths about sexuality."

"Really," he says, swallowing hard, "what myths are those?"

"Well," she explains, "one popular myth is that African American men are the most well-endowed when, in fact, it is the Native American Indian who
is most likely to possess that trait "Another popular myth is that
French men are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Greek descent."

Suddenly, the woman becomes embarrassed and blushes. "I'm sorry," she says, "I shouldn't be discussing this with you,

I don't even know your name!".

"Tonto," the man says, as he extends his hand. "Tonto Papadopoulos."