Bulgaria Ski discussion board

No offence meant in anyway - just made me laugh this morning!!!

The dodo died. Then Dodi died, Di died and Dando died... Dido must be sh*tting herself.

Is it fair to say that there'd be less litter in Britain if blind people were
given pointed sticks?

Q: Who are the most decent people in the hospital? A: The ultrasound people.

I went to the airport to check in and they asked what I did because I looked
like a terrorist. I said I was a comedian. They said, "Say something funny
then." I told them I had just graduated from flying school.

A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day. She said,
"Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?" I said, "All right, but we're
not going to get much done."

I realised I was dyslexic when I went to a toga party dressed as a goat.

Sleeping with prostitutes is like making your cat dance with you on its
hind legs. You know it's wrong, but you try to convince yourself that they're
enjoying it as well.

My dad's dying wish was to have his family around him. I can't help thinking
he would have been better off with more oxygen.

The world is a dangerous place; only yesterday I went into Boots and punched
someone in the face.

Cats have nine lives. Which makes them ideal for experimentation.

I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have thought the
obvious one was "Shout For Help".

I went out with an Irish Catholic. Very frustrating. You can take the Girl out
of Cork ...

Got a phone call today to do a gig at a fire station. Went along. Turned out
it was a bloody hoax.

A dog goes into a hardware store and says: "I'd like a job please". The
hardware store owner says: "We don't hire dogs, why don't you go join The
circus?" The dog replies: "Well, what would the circus want with a plumber".

Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner
and a loser at the same time.

An American girl hit on me in a club and asked me to make her an Egyptian
princess. So I threw a sheet over her head and told her to be quiet.

The right to bear arms is slightly less ludicrous than the right to arm
bears.

I.M.T