Bulgaria Ski discussion board

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS


Smart man + smart woman = romance

Smart man + dumb woman = affair

Dumb man + smart woman = marriage

Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy



OFFICE ARITHMETHIC


Smart boss + smart employee = profit

Smart boss + dumb employee = production

Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion

Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime





SHOPPING MATH


A man will pay £2 for a £1 item he needs

A woman will pay $1 for a £2 item she doesn’t need



GENERAL EQUATION & STATISTICS


A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.



HAPPINESS


To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him little.

To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all







LONGEVITY


Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die



PROPENSITY TO CHANGE


A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t

A man marries a woman expecting that she wont change, and she does



DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE


A woman has the last word in any argument

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument



HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED



Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, “You’re next”. They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals

DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:

40-ish.............................................49
Adventurous.................Slept with everyone
Athletic......................................No tits
Average looking....................Ugly
Beautiful...........................Pathological liar
Contagious Smile..................Does a lot of pills
Emotionally Secure......................On medication
Feminist..........................................Fat
Free spirit....................................Junkie
Friendship first..........................Former slut
Fun..........................................Annoying
New-Age.............Body hair in the wrong places
Old-fashioned.............................No BJs
Open-minded.................................Desperate
Outgoing.......................Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate...............................Sloppy drunk
Professional....................................Bitch
Voluptuous...................................Very Fat
Large frame.................................Hugely Fat
Wants Soul mate...............................Stalker

WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want..
5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = You're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = You better not
8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!
10. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?

MEN'S ENGLISH:

1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = Let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd li! ke to have sex with you
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay