Bulgaria Ski discussion board

These are genuine complaints and comments made by customers who have
written into the Customer Services Department of various tour operators.
Also quoted are comments taken from questionnaire surveys, complaint forms
and comments overheard by other people, followed by the kind of answers we
would love to give our “less than intelligent clientelle”

Customer complaint form from holiday in Spain
We felt that there were very few English people there and found ourselves
surrounded by Spaniards ( holiday in Spain )
My god – that is absolutely incredible – who would expect to be surrounded
by Spaniards in Spain of all places? Spain is the last place you would
expect to find that isn’t it. Almost as unusual as finding yourself
surrounded by Greeks in Greece, Cypriots in Cyprus or Italians in Italy.
nono hell ……… what is the word coming to when you cannot even travel to
Spain without bumping into random Spaniards?!?!?

Telephone call with customers in Jamaica
We will never travel to Jamaica with your company again. Our flight took
ten hours and it only took the Americans three.
So – I take it you didn’t get a grade “A” for geography then. One
plausible reason for this just might be the fact that Jamaica actually lies
on the American continent, as do all the other Caribbean resorts. Didn’t
think of that one did you????

Complaint about excursion in Gran Canaria
Customers complained about the amount of walking included in one of the
excursions commented “ We were taken on a force march that would have put
the parachute regiment to shame”
Were you made to carry water bottles, rifles, and rucksacks and ordered to
do press-ups every 5 minutes then. By the left quick march – left, right,
left, right, left, right, left………………….. left, right, left, right, left,
right, left………………….. Stand at ease!!!

Customer complaint form
One mans wife suffered from NEWMONIA, had a very bad COFF and a severe case
of GUITAR, while he suffered from three days of explosive DIAHORROR.
Perhaps we could compensate you with some English evening classes, as you
obviously need to learn how to spell.

Feedback from customer questionnaire
I had a fantastic holiday in Kenya, but I really do feel that I should
advise your Health & Safety Department that the animals were not fenced in
That is why it is called a safari my dear and not a zoo!!!

Customer complaint form
Through no fault of my own the beach has been moved
Somebody just packed up the beach and moved it over night, just like that,
did they. Some people have one hell of a cheek don’t they. The nerve of
some people!!

Customer complaint form
Dutch DC10 Crash FAO 21.12.92. We really do feel that you could have been
more efficient with the timing of the crash and the time of our arrival
Yes, you are very right – how very inconsiderate of us. We promise we’ll
try to do better next time.

Phone call received from agent
I have a request for Mr and Mrs Dunston. They are both deaf and dumb and
would like to be given a quiet room.
Okey dokey – we’ll supply them with a set of ear plugs too shall we??

Customer complaint form
We had to queue outside with no air conditioning
I’m very sorry. I’m afraid external air conditioning has not yet been
invented

Complaint regarding food
The veal that was served at dinnertime obviously came from a middle aged
calf.
How do you get a middle-aged calf – it is either a calf or a cow

Complaint letter
The evening entertainment was non-existent unless you could dance the
Flamingo.
Hmmmm …………. Think you mean the Flamenco sweetie……….

Claim sent to Legal Services
Mr Brown is suing for loss of memory
Okey dokey – please can he enlighten us as to what he has forgotten then

Customer complaint form
The accommodation we were allocated was awful and we could not change until
the following morning. This meant that I could only enjoy nine days of my
two-week holiday
Okey dokey – simple mathematics!!! 2 week holiday equates to 14 nights –
have we agreed on that so far?? Yes – OK then. You were moved the
following morning, technically meaning you could not enjoy the first day of
your holiday ( equating to one days holiday ). Are you still with me so
far – are we clear on that??? Good. Right – 14 days minus 1 day used to
equate to 13 days when I was at school a long time ago ( or has
mathematical science changed very dramatically since those days?? ) Please
explain to me how you could only enjoy 9 days of your 2 week holiday if you
were moved on your second day. Forgive me if I appear to be a little bit
stupid but I am having real difficulty grasping this concept of yours.

Conversation overheard between a customer and a rep in Cyprus during a
winter rainy period
A long stay customer was complaining very bitterly to a rep in Cyprus about
the rain and the poor weather and advised that she would rather be
miserable in England than in Cyprus. Later in the conversation she asked
if the weather was going to improve over the next few weeks to which he
answered
“Listen love, my balls are made of meat not crystal”

Request on a rooming list for a last minute un-named accommodation deal in
an Italian ski resort
Please can we have a sea or pool view and be allocated to a property near
to the beach
Of course you can, not a problem. We will commence work straight away and
start building the mountainous beach 5000 feet up in the mountains and this
building work should be completed by the time you arrive if we employ the
builders 24 hours a day.

Customer complaint form received by customers in the Dominican Republic
We were very disappointed with the beach in Playa Dorada and the sea was
full of sand. There were also fish swimming about in the sea, which
startled my daughter, and it is not mentioned in your brochure.
We’re very sorry. We’ll try to have all the sand removed before your next
visit to Playa Dorada. Yes you are perfectly right – there are fish
swimming in the sea ( that is where they live surprisingly enough ). Would
you also like us to mention that there is a slim possibility of birds
flying about in the sky too?? Just so you don’t get any more nasty
surprises!!

Overheard by a customer in Majorca
This was not a late booking. I booked this holiday 2 days before I
travelled.
OK and what exactly do you class as a late booking then. Please enlighten
us.

Customer complaint form
A customer and her partner booked a last minute deal with un-named
accommodation and she was most unhappy to find that she was allocated a
room with a double bed. She refused to pay to move to another hotel with 2
single beds. Three months later she was making a claim against the tour
operator because of her unwanted pregnancy and holds the tour operator
responsible for allocating a room with a double bed.
How irresponsible of the tour operator indeed!!! Perhaps we should now all
start to supply our customers with condoms and other contraceptives on
their arrival. Or an even simpler solution would be for the customer to
keep her legs together and her knickers on, or is that too much like common
sense!!!

Customer complaint form
The Internet café in our hotel was never open and closed very early
How could it close very early if it was never open?

Customer complaint form
There was no plug for the bath so we had to use a candle and a towel to
wash our baby
Well perhaps you should try soap and water next time

Customer complaint form
The flight out to Barbados was awful. It was just like being loaded on to
a cattle truck.
Are you talking from previous experience then are you??


Customer complaint letter
The rep left us at our hotel at 03.00pm in the morning
I think you need to learn your 24 hour clock a little bit more thoroughly
sweetheart

Customer complaint form
My sister who is registered blind could not see the bottom step
Oh dear – no answer to that one.

Customer complaint to rep
There are only two choices of wine at dinnertime – red and white
Oh dear – no answer to that one either.

Customer complaint form in Majorca
We booked an excursion to the Aqua Park in Palma, but nobody told us we had
to take our own towels and swimming costumes.
Oh yeah – the Aqua Park is going to have hundreds and thousands of swimming
costumes in all shapes, sizes and designs to cater for the hundreds and
thousands of visitors. Would you really like to wear a swimming costume
that had been worn by god only knows how many other people?

Complaint regarding check in at airport
Upon arrival at the check in desk we found out that there were only two
types of seating – smoking and non-smoking.
OK – tell me what other kind of seating you were expecting exactly

Request to cancel holiday
I wish to cancel this holiday, as I am pregnant through no fault of my own
Oh so we have yet another case of Immaculate Conception.

Customer complaint letter
The dust and the noise from our hotel in Malta were a real eyesore.
Hmmmm ……… noise my dear is something that affects your ears and does not
actually have anything to do with your eyesight. Have you got a bit
confused with your senses?


Customer complaint letter
I will give you the opportunity to reply before I write to the Sunday Mail
and Dog Watch.
Oh how often have we been threatened with that. Oh and by the way it is
actually WATCHDOG and not DOGWATCH.

Incident report received by Duty Office
The fire was DISTINGUISHED by the hotel staff
Did you mean EXTINGUISHED by any chance?

Complaint about the flight home
We were given two seats on the plane near the exit doors and because of the
draught coming from the doors I was in bed with flu for 8 days
Oh the cabin crew must have left the door ajar when they nipped out for a
smoke. Or maybe somebody forgot to wind the aircraft windows up.

Complaint about a cruise holiday
I was very disappointed to discover that our cabin window had been taken
out and replaced with portholes
Oh lord – give me strength.

Customer complaint form
We wanted to go to Salou but we were taken to Costa Dorada.
Just like the poor people who wanted to go to Playa de las Americas and
were taken to Tenerife and the unfortunate people who wanted to go to Malia
and were taken to Crete.

Complaint letter following a fire in a hotel
My husband was running up and down the balconies “ejaculating” people from
their rooms
Would you like to re-phrase that one – did you mean evacuating?

Telephone conversation with customer in Mexico
One lady thought that going to the airport on a “standby” basis for a
flight meant that she could board the aircraft and “stand” for the duration
of the flight if no seats were available.
Just imagine – 10 ½ hours across the Atlantic Ocean from Mexico back to
England standing. What exactly she had in mind for take off and landing,
I’m not quite sure. Perhaps she was planning to sit in the toilet.

Phone call from customer in Ibiza
A customer in Ibiza lost his wallet in a nightclub did not know the name of
the nightclub where he lost it. He did however remember that the nightclub
had a DJ stand.
Yes – a DJ stand is a necessity in a nightclub, believe it or not. Don’t
think you find too many nightclubs in the world that do not have a DJ
stand. Doesn’t really narrow it down, does it?

Customer complaint form in the Dominican Republic
We were disgusted to find that there were no toilets or hand washing
facilities on the speedboat.
Hmmmmm ……………… interesting – I would love to see you try to stand up to make
use of them if they were on the speedboat.

Customer complaint form in the Dominican Republic
While I was on holiday I suffered from the most terrible food poisoning
from the lack of food and water as I did not like the hotel food.
Therefore I will be expecting a full refund + additional compensation
OK explain to me how a lack of food and water causes food poisoning. In
order for you to get food poisoning, my sweet, you need to eat contaminated
food or drink contaminated water. I think you need to go back to school to
learn the basics again!!!


Some other great comments to which there is no answer really

- Your offer of a discount voucher is like offering a return ticket on
the Titanic
- Rats were running around the streets – the only thing missing was the
Pied Piper
- We skipped the soup so we could beat the flies to the food
- The beach was described as being a stone throw from the hotel. Even
Fattima Whitbread could not have reached it
- If these apartments have been monitored throughout the season, it
must have been done by somebody with a white stick
- Mr Smith asked the Greek word for a kettle and was told “ a saucepan”
- The rep was as much use as President Clinton in a celibacy clinic
- With respect it is of no concern to my client how the booking was
made whether it was through the view data system, via your reservations
department or via a note attached to the leg of a carrier pigeon (
solicitors letter )
- I was woken abruptly by my wife screaming that someone was in our
room. I jumped up and gave chase and saw nobody