Bulgaria Ski discussion board

Q. How does a snowboard instructor meet his class?
A. He runs straight into them.

Q. How can you tell who is a snowboard instructor in a room full of people?
A. Easy. They'll come up and tell you.

Q. Whats the differnce between God and a ski instructor?
A. God does not think he is a ski instructor.

Q. What the difference between a snowboard instructor and his student?
A. About one lesson.




MY THOUGHTS ON SNOWBOARDING

For those of you who for whatever reason, such as a will to live, do not participate in downhill winter sports or who maybe considering it, I should explain that snowboarding is an activity that is popular with people who do not feel that regular downhill skiing is leathal enough.

These are of course young people, fearless people, people who's bodies can knock over mature trees with their faces and spring to their feet saying 'cool man.'

So I gave it a try, with my pal Simon..... a brilliant boarder who used a totally different technique than me

He boards using the 'get outta my way' method, whereas I prefered the Breath-Catching method, where you stand sideways to the hill looking very able, without actually moving a muscle due to total panic and fear.

If anyone asks if I'm OK I just say 'Cool Dude, just catching my breath!!!!' I do this in a tone that suggests any second I'll be off swooping downhill at a rate of knots that would start an avalanche on the flat, whereas my plan is to actually stay put until the Spring thaw.

At night, when all have gone, we Breath-Catchers cling to each other and chew our gum for sustanence whilst removing the plank of wood shaped like my dogs tounge and slowly decend the mountain on foot.

You see in skiing you wear 2 skis, which roughly works out at one per leg, so you can maintain your balance should one decide to head off in a different direction. Plus you have poles to assist you and stab anyone who dares question your ability.

But snowboarders just get this one dog-tounge shaped piece of wood designed by the Institute Of Perminantly Slippery Things and strapped to both feet, so if you start to fall, you can't stick out one foot to balance yourself. Very stupid idea.
You crash to the ground like a freshly felled tree and lie there like some Italian footballer waiting for the ref to give a penalty!!!!!!!

Skiers hate snowboarders and snowboarders hate skiers It's a generation thing.
Skiers tend to be middle aged business people who wear designer space suits and multi coloured sun-glasses. Boarders are young defiant non-comformists who buy drab clothes 4 sizes too big, and large enough to conceal a sizable kitchen appliance under.

Skiers like to glide gracefully down the runs in a series of perfectly performed arcs, but snowboarders like to attack the mountain slashing, spinning, tumbling, reversing, blasting, cliff-jumping and getting their noses pierced whilst in mid-air.

Skiers see boarders as a menace; boarders see all skiers as Elmer Fudd.

Skiers consider 100cm of snow cover as ideal. Boarders think seven snowflakes on a craggy cliff face is too much snow.

Have you ever realised that whatever sport you try, someone will always shout...

bend your knees!!!!!

whether it be golf, or tennis, or even snooker .......

bend your knees

In snowboarding I just want to shout back
THEY WONT BEND

I have since come to learn that the small humps of snow you often see at the side of the ski slopes are actually formed by middle aged businessmen and women who's bodies lie there from a previous boarding lesson.

So this year I will be skiing only, Maybe you will see me on the slopes, catching my breath, if you do..........please throw me some food as I may be there some time.

All the best everyone for 2005, have a GREAT HOLIDAY, whether you board or ski. Love you all, really

PP

Like woah!!! dude thats like,,, some,,, heavy stuff man!!! I need to ave both feet strapped to one deck no way of controlin me feet with like,, two slats!!! when got
totaly wiped out the night b4, cool we came we saw we kicked its erm erm no swearing, any way whats one of the hardest things for a skier to do?

tell their parents they are GAY!!!.
You guy's kill me ya kill me,
Noodles, adultescent41 there jan 8 waych me go,
wife n three kids skiers i'm doomed,,,doomed i,,,,,,, say.
keep it up folks.