There seems to be a major absence from the board tonight. Sick notes have not been received, so I presume you are all dead. If you are, why the heck am I writing this as you will not be able to read it.
But you have read it, so you are not dead.
So where are you?
Only exceptional circumstances will be accepted as a reason.
The Cinema!!!!!!! Whatever sort of reason is that???????
Leaving your post is a serious offence, punishable by getting me ANOTHER drink in the White Hart. (Apples not accepted.)
Your future conduct must improve or your Polo Shirt will be confiscated!!!!