Bulgaria Ski discussion board

A woman decides to have a facelift for her 47th birthday. She spends £10,000 and feels pretty good about the results.
On her way home she stops at a newsagent to buy a paper. Before leaving she asks the sales assistant "I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?"."About 32," the clerk replies. "I'm actually 47," the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl the same question. She replies, "I'd guess about 29." The woman replies, "Nope, I am 47!" Now she is feeling really good about herself.

While waiting for the bus home, she asks an old man the same question. He replies, "I'm 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young, there was a sure way to tell how old a woman was, but it requires you to let me put my hands down your panties. Then, I can tell exactly how old you are."
They waited in silence on the empty street until curiosity got the best of the woman and she finally says, "What the hell, go ahead". The old man slips both hands down her panties and begins to feel around. After several minutes she says, "Okay, how old am I?" He removes his hands slowly and says, "You are 47." Stunned, the woman says, "That is amazing. How do you know?" The old man replies, "I was behind you in McDonald's."

Man goes to the doctor and says "my father is 91 and he seems really sick, he can't hold down any food at all".
The doctor gives him some pills with the direstions..

Take 2 on Monday
Skip Tuesday.
Take a further 2 on Wednesday
Skip Thursday
Take 3 on Friday.

The doctor told him to come back on Saturday and tell him how the old guy was doing.

The man returned on Saturday very upset and told the doctor that his father had died in the night.
"Oh dear" said the doctor, "those pills don't usually cause that."
"It wasn't the pills"" said the son, ""it was all the bloody skipping!!!!!!!!!"

Pamps Pete

A lady walks into a Furniture Store. She browses around, then spots the perfect leather sofa and walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the fine leather upholstery, a loud fart escapes her. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and hopes a sales person doesn't pop up right now.
As she turns back, sure enough, there standing next to her is a salesman.
"Good day, Madame. How may we help you today?"
Very uncomfortably she asks, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely leather sofa?"
He answers, "Madame, I'm very sorry to say that if you farted just touching it, you are going to sh*t yourself when you hear the price."


Right thats enough, I need to get to bed, I need to be up at 3.45am AAAARRRGGGHHHH

See you all tomorrow!