Bulgaria Ski discussion board

I went to see the children in the institute yesterday and gave the ones that did not have coats, gloves, hats and clothes ect. I left taking Slavcho with me to the local restaurant for food as he did not have dinner, he had run away for a few hours, he was unhappy that they had shaved his hair off because he had head lice and he liked his hair before and he feels the cold more now, any way I thought that he would not stop eating, a large bowl of stew and rice, four extra thick door stop chunks of bread, soup, 2 pancakes with honey and nuts later I returned him to the institute a much happier boy this was 8pm, I left very happy. I was awoken early this morning by a telephone call from a member of staff at the institute, I was still in my slumber and was not quiet awake she was shouting something about Slavcho, hospital, fire and not well, she spoke in panic I did not really understand what she was trying to say. As much as I wanted to sleep longer as I had only had three hours sleep and it was cold out side, I put my jeans over my pyjamas and pulled a sweater over my head, with no cup of tea to warm my belly, I just brushed my teeth, left my hair without putting a brush through it, coat on and out the door I went, looking like the usual cave woman on crack hair style. The cold air cut through my bones as I jumped in the car and headed the four minute drive down the hill, ice was thick on the roads therefore I was skidding everywhere. On arrival at the institute dozens of children grappled at me and pulled me inside the building, all shouting at the same time I was not clear what the problem was, I just wanted my bed or a cup of tea and to make matters worse I was desperate for a pee. The toilets in the institute are the worst I have ever seen any where in my life. A hole in the floor, no flush and faeces and pee two feet all around them, I was going to have to cross my legs and practice those pelvic floor exercises for quite some time. I was beginning to get a headache as I climbed the stairs, the stench in that place was making me feel sick, it is really too much for my stomach to cope with first thing in the morning, I could not stop reaching but fortunately my stomach was empty.

I was ushered into the warmth of the staff office, I could hardly see the room was so full of smoke. It was then I received the news and I fell to my knees and cried and cried.

In the night, when all was quiet three 17 year old boys one of which had found a cigarette lighter in one of the coats I had given them that was donated in the day time, they all shared a room with Slavcho, the boy that does not talk, he is silenced by his past. Slavcho was sleeping happily with his full belly, the three other boys were cold and tried getting some warmth from the lighter, then they thought that they would have some fun, they stripped Slavcho naked and set fire to his pubic hair, this in turn burned his testicles and penis, Slavcho made no sound as he is almost a mute, the cover on the bed had set fire, the smell of the fire alerted the member of staff on Duty, she called me as she new I was just a couple of minutes away. I took Slavcho to be treated for his burns which looked so painful. I have no words for the boys that did this. The police will speak to the culprits tomorrow, not today, but what can they do these boys already live in hell. I am sickened and all the energy has been drained from me, I have lost momentum and I do not wish to return tomorrow. Jasmine is on holiday, I fear the wounds will get infected, but the mental suffering this poor boy has had all his life silenced him from emotion to cry, but not me I can’t stop crying for him. I have a meeting with the director of EU funding on Thursday and after this I am taking a break from the institute for a little while I am crushed and exhausted, I feel there is no where to turn, I feel so alone, there is no real help for these children and how many Slavcho’s are out there? I just don’t know. I am just not strong enough for another tomorrow in the institute, One day has aged me 10 years and my heart bleeds. I am to blame in part as I should have checked the pockets of the coats.

I just can’t think about fund raising tonight please forgive me. x

Oh God, Amanda what can anyone say - just please do not blame yourself for this. I think everyone reading this will feel as sick as I do at this moment. Please, please do not give up. I have only just come in and reading my emails, one giving the total from Andie - we do have such a long way to go and sometimes I think we are fighting a losing battle, but this battle we must win - more now than ever. I just hope and pray that poor Slavcho will recover, both physically and emotionally from this.
It is so hard for you because you see what is going on when you are there and we are all distanced from it. You do need to take a break - I was stupid enough to be emailing at 1.30 this morn ing and was getting replies from you - 2 hours ahead of us. You are tired and exhausted, please get some rest. Perhaps things will be better after your meeting (then perhaps not!). Have a nice warm bath and go to bed early and let us all say a prayer for Slavcho - even if people do not believe in a God, I am sure that if we all focus our energies on this poor soul, in thoughts or prayer then it will help him.

Take care,
Carole xx

Amanda

I feel so much for you, but like the others said you really can't blame yourself which is probably easy for us to say when most of us haven't even seen what the conditions are like and can probably never appreciate how awful things are when you're seeing them regularly.
All you can do is hope things will get better and when you feel ready and stronger I'm sure you will be there for little Slavcho to help him and make him feel better with your care, attention and love.
Hopefully this will spur us all on to try even harder so these poor children can live in a reasonably normal condition.
As Carole said try and get some rest and I'm sure you won't be able to stay away from them for too long as its obvious you are a really caring person who has given so much time and love to these children.
I do hope you won't lose faith in us getting to the target.
Hope to meet you when we come out in March.

G xx

PJ, an always laughing, always optimistic lady who believes so much in what she is doing for the children. You must find time to recharge your batteries from time to time or the only losers are ultimately those kids who have come to see you as their Guardian Angel.

I have just received this email from you: "" I know and you two help me stay strong, its just life is really shit sometimes and my hands feel like they are tied together and my heart feels their pain so much. Doug's got some heat coming to the 2nd floor and he is still working on it now, he has been there 12 hours already x you are my strength and my friends x ""

So you see lady, you feel the need for a physical break but you are still there 100% mentally. Take care and lean on your friends and colleagues as we are there for you.

With love - Andie x